This Apocalypse, I Tell You What I Really Think

My dear humanoid friends and readers,

It has been a lovely spending the past 23 years with you on this hunk of rock hurling through space. Since this is the last day of our existence, I would like to take this opportunity to write about whatever the heck I want. I have organized my final thoughts by subject to save you time that you can instead spend skydiving or eating a feast with your families or making out with your significant other or petting your cats on your porch swing, if that is your thing.

Atheism

If we live through this, I ask that all of you religious people out there take half an hour to educate yourselves about atheism. Atheists like myself are tested to be consistently among those with the highest moral standards in society and yet we are met with great discrimination, anger, and fear. I am a proud and open atheist but even I have been encouraged by the people who love me to hide this aspect of myself so that my businesses don’t suffer and I remain employable. I am frustrated that we live in a world where I and others like me must suffer negative consequences for thinking logically and holding ourselves to our own extremely high moral standards. Many atheists are in the closet and are afraid to come out because of very real and painful consequences like losing their friendships, jobs, or, for young atheists, even being kicked out of their homes by their parents. For your entertainment and education, here is a list of celebrities (with pictures and bios as you scroll down) who you probably didn’t know were atheists.

Pluto

It doesn’t care that its no longer considered a planet. Really, I promise. Calm down.

Forts and Nooks And Narnia

Why are most houses so boring? Forts don’t suddenly stop being fun when you turn 21. One day my house will have a dramatically-lit bathroom with a fireplace,

a fantasy backyard,

and an armoire to Narnia.

Oh, you want such ridiculous things too? Follow my Dramatic Home Design board on Pinterest.

Pokemon

Id like to say a farewell to all the Pokemon, who were and will remain awesome. In particular Id like to say goodbye to my two favorites, Umbreon and Horsea, who carried my team through many Elite Four victories. No Pokemon is cooler than Umbreon or cuter than Horsea. Yes, I do always pick my Pokemon based on looks.

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Also here is my friend Joey on an episode of his very funny Ranking The Pokemon.

Peach Cobbler and Turtle Tracks Ice Cream

My country boy turned me on to peach cobbler and now I like it something fierce. You haven’t had peach cobbler with turtle tracks ice cream? Bless your cherry-pickin little heart. I reckon you ought to go buy some right quick. (Peach cobbler, I learned, is just another way to say peach pie. And turtle tracks ice cream is vanilla with caramel swirls and chocolate-caramel turtles. Serve them together, make sure the pie is hot. Best thing you’ll ever eat.)

Same Sex Marriage

Really? This is still a thing we have to talk about? Just let it go.

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Happy Apocalypse, I hope that you find a good seat for the show.